Relationship and Whatnot

Among my group of friends I was the one who is very vocal on getting married and have a family.
However, as I years gone by, Im the only one remained single and available. All 3 are married while the other one is in a relationship. Even the most vocal person who always said she's not going to get married got hitched just recently.

I have always dream of getting married and have a big family, for the reason that family is one thing I have always longed to have. I grow up without a father and a siblings.

Months after having my son and through my early years journey as being a single mother, this dream come to halt. I even said to my self and to everyone who push me to get married that I will no longer get married. In my mind, its no use getting married coz I already got a son. However, as I grow old and become wiser I realized that being single for life is something I don't want, and being alone makes me more sad and lonely. I realized I'm a family oriented type of person.

My son wants a big family too...

He wants me to get married and for us to have a family. He enjoys it when we gather and eat together. He likes it when were doing things as a family. And he wishes to have siblings (specifically little sister). Even though his worried that the man im going to be in a relationship with will not gonna like or accept him or will be a strict on him, he still encourage me to get married for us to have a family.

"Never apologize for having standards. 
People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them." 

My past relationship made me a strong person, and I have mentally built a wall that protects me emotionally. Or Im probably just not that attractive that no one really pursued me.

People always say, "It's because you have high standards that you cant find a boyfriend!". I always roll my eyes hearing that... Just because im a single mom and in my 30's, I'm just gonna jump into relationship with any guy I just meet. NO! A big no. Relationship to me is sacred. When I enter into a relationship its going to be on the road for marriage. No, I'm not putting pressure but isn't that what relationship supposed to be?
And besides, I need to be sure with the person I'm going to be in a relationship with, either the relationship last or fall short, coz it's not only me... I have a teenager in the picture and at stake. I'm not just putting my heart out to the man but also my sons heart. I need to be extra careful.

The hopeless romantic...

I believe in instant connection. I believe in spark. Its something Im looking for in a person I am going to be with. It should be someone Im not hesitant in showing the me inside this body. I am such a complicated person and not to mention moody and sensitive. Someone who will see me past the awkwardness and tackless mouth that I tend to show to hide the shyness or nervousness. Someone who will understand and love me unconditionally.
I believe I'll meet someone soon. Someone who is not perfect but perfectly compliments my personality. Someone whom I will say... worth the wait. <3 p="">